I am afraid of looking old

That's right, I am not afraid of dying or falling down the bridge. I actually love height. but the number one thing that I have always been afraid of is looking old. That explains why I cannot let go some of my "swag'' shirts. You know what kinda shirts I mean like the ones from Zumiez, DGK all day , The Hundreds , Obey etc. They just make me feel like I'm 18 all over again , full of life and ambitions and never afraid of anything. I used to avoid shirts and ties and all that dressy stuff at all times! " No!! They will make me look old" I screamed at my friends when they wanted to go to Express.
     When it comes to dressing up , most of us are still  trying to find the balance between looking sharp and professional yet still keeping that youthfulness.  With that said, don't be afraid of playing with colors this summer from mix-matching colorful ties with vibrant dress shirts and top it off with fashionable blazers!

   


If you're feeling shy? Wear purple or violet. Feeling talkative ? Put on a bright yellow dress shirt to show what a sunshine you are and people will not be afraid to approach you.





 Who said dress shirts can only be in white, black or grey right ? Solid shirts in bright colors will not de-professionalize the event that you are attending to but it also adds personalities to you! It is dangerous to wear your heart on your sleeve, but don't be afraid to wear your personality on your sleeve. Solid shirts are not your only option for everyday wear to work or a night out in the Castro. Stripes and checkers are also timeless styles that can do no wrong to you.

Women often spent hours playing dressed up with their new clothes and make up whether alone or with their girlfriends. Guys can now totally do the same! Just grab a few of your guy friends to come over after a basketball game and try on clothes together! ( That was a total joke if you haven't noticed, I think that's one of my naughty secret  fantasy ..whoops not so secret anymore) ! All jokes aside, mix-matching your dress shirts and ties should not be time consuming. Rather it is fun, enjoyable and you can also save some extra money on buying more outfits!

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 Flipping through the pages of GQ's , I couldn't help but stop myself at the Diesel page. Not only  the Blazer caught my eyes with its fine details that compliment the leather pants but hello look at the model! When do we get to see an Asian not just in one page but a two page spread! Blazers are the must have items when it comes to dressing up. It is like the secure blanket in the winter, without it you feel a little naked, empty. 

     In conclusion, I just want to say we shouldn't stress about getting old or looking old. Clothing's should only be the pieces to compliment and enhance who we are as a person. I gave my mother that same exact answer last night when she suddenly asked a question over the dinner table: " Ty, look at these ugly wrinkles on my forehead, I am getting older can you tell?" followed that was a long sigh she had. 

   Trying to swallow down my last piece of chicken along with the sudden tears I almost had running down my cheeks , I replied: " You shouldn't feel defeated that you are getting old. Those wrinkles on your forehead to me are far from ugly. Each wrinkle represents the over -time hours that you tried to stay after work to earn extra money so we could have a little more food on the table. For each wrinkle that you have represents your sleepless nights staying up taking care of me through my flu. So no, I don't think they are ugly at all , because each of them tells a different story of your life. 

    And I would rather see you gain a line of wrinkle each year than not seeing you or your wrinkles at all...

Written by Trung Jaden Tran

Images from Norstrom.com, Mens shop ( Nordstrom) 

Images from the Gentlemen's quarterly 

My Coming Out Story

 Hello everyone,

  I have always wanted to start a blog to write about my feelings and my daily life experience but I have never had the courage to do so because  I was afraid of being laughed at or what if I am not good enough, or what if I have too much feelings and people don't have time for feelings? and the questions run on and on in my head for the past years. And I think today is the day I can finally have the courage to do so. I can not find any other better days to make this story public than today. Not only today marks the history of  our country being united as one but also this gives me hopes that one day, ONE DAY, I can find my other soul-mate and can proudly call him my husband. ( omg that sounds weird lol ). For the longest time, I have always been embarrassed of my sexuality. I thought I was less of a guy than other straight males out there. I am shy, I'm timid, but that doesn't mean that I am weak or less of a human being than anyone else. May be because I grew up insecure , may be because I grew up having people constantly putting me down and throwing words like : fag, go away, no-one likes you and perhaps throwing orange peels at me . I'm not upset at my past or angry at those people who have put me down or did not believe in me. I however want to thank them for their actions, because they have toughen this little gay boy for the past 2 decades. My tears from being hurt , being bullied and not believing in myself have turned into tears of being proud of who i am, tears of joy, of success, wisdom, determination , of the person who got up from the ground full of hatred dirt. 

My coming out story starts now.

There is a story about a little boy from Viet Nam. The story does not have a great beginning or a happy ending but along the line, the little boy learned to love himself and cherished every joyful moment that he has created. That little boy was me. Unlike a few other kids, I grew up in an extremely traditional Vietnamese household where I was taught to be disciplined at a very young age. I grew up without a father so my mother plays both of the roles .I guess one of the reasons why my mother was always so strict on me because she was bitter about the fact that my dad left us when I was still a baby and she had to take care of me all by herself. I still don’t understand why when adults make mistakes, the children get the blame for it.  I mean it is not my fault that I remind mother of my father sometimes whether if it’s the way I talk or the way I act even though I have never met him before. Mother would shout it out on top of her lungs: “You remind me so much of your Dad.” And she would run into her room and cry silently.  Every day she would remind me to always be faithful and loyal to my future wife because she doesn’t want me to be like my father. The funny thing is I would never be faithful to my wife because I would not have a wife in the first place. I am gay.

                My coming out story was quite embarrassing. I was a junior in high school at the time. One afternoon, I came home from school and instead of doing homework, I got distracted and started to google “naked guys”. I was always curious about the naked male body but I did not know the real reason why. As I was browsing through images after images, suddenly mother walked in. I tried to close down the window but it just had to freeze up at that time. Mother asked: “why are there naked guys on your computer?” I could not breathe for a minute and I answered in shame: “ I was just curious and I promise you to never look at them again.” I was embarrassed, confused, ashamed, angry and many other mix emotions rolling in one giant ball. A few months later, mother suddenly walked in to check up on me once again and history repeated itself. She caught me watching gay porn. However, this time was different. I did not apologize for my action. Instead, I sat mother down and whispered shyly: “Mommy I think I like guys.” Mother paused for a second, she stood up, slapped me across my face, ran out in tears.  There was this pain that I felt inside me. It literally hurt and I didn’t know why. Tears started to run down my cheeks. I did not cry because mother slapped me. I cried because I felt hopeless. I cried because I felt alone. I cried because I thought I was a monster or some kind of devil that did something so horrible to my mom.

                Mother kicked me out of the house after that because she could not deal with the fact that I was gay. A week later, I came back starved, exhausted and begged to go back into the house.  To my family, being gay is more than just being sinful. Let alone being a traditional household, we are also Catholic. My uncle and my mother believed that there was a devil inside me and it was trying to take over. They forced me to pray to God to become better, they brought me to therapy sessions, and they tried everything to turn me straight. I followed every step that they had set for me. I did really try to change so that my family could be happy. I tried so hard to the point where I started to become extremely angry at myself. I would torture myself physically and mentally. I hated myself for the longest time because I could not fulfill my mother’s wish which was to become the man of the family and to get married.

                I cried myself to sleep every night hoping that I would go to sleep forever so that tomorrow wouldn’t be so scary facing my family. Two years passed by living in depression and endless unexplainable night terrors. I finally was set free when I got the acceptance letter from UCSD. Before I left home, I had a talk with mother. It wasn’t really a talk, it was a conversation where I did most of the talking and whether if she listened or not I was still not coming back. Trying to stop myself from crying, I expressed: “Mother, I love you with all my heart. I know you have sacrificed your whole life for me. Not only you are a great mother, but you are also an exceptional father. I would never do anything to hurt you. However, you cannot continue living a lie. I am gay and whether if you are going to support me I will never change. Would you rather have a straight son that would smoke and drink and come home drunk every night stealing your money damaging the house? Or would you want a gay son that is determined to be successful and will love you and support you for the rest of your life. Mother, my sexuality does not determine my success. Whom I love does not and will not replace you ever. Last but not least, even if I was straight I would not have my own kids. The reason is because there are so many children out there dying every day due to poverty and starvation. Their parents cannot support them and give them a memorable childhood. Therefore, I am going to adopt. One or ten, that will be determined later when you see me in the pages of Vogue.

                I was afraid that she would slap me like last time so after I finished the last sentence I ran out of the house, rapidly jumped in my car, drove eight hours to San Diego and never looked back.

                Two days later, mother called and said: “I love you and I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. From now on, no more tears. Let’s start being fabulous together.”

              I cried in happiness. 

Thank you for reading and please come again! 

  Mother and older sister at her graduation.